Crista Cowan: 0:01

Stories that Live In Us is a podcast that inspires you to form deep connections with your family past, present and future. I'm Crista Cowan, known online as The Barefoot Genealogist. I've spent my whole life discovering the power of family history and I know that sharing the stories that live in you can change everything. Have you ever stopped to think about the stories that live inside of you right now, stories waiting to be discovered, stories waiting to be shared, stories that could change everything for your family? I am coming to you live from RootsTech 2025, but this episode won't air until the beginning of May, and the reason that's exciting for me is because that is the one year anniversary of this podcast. For a year, I have had the opportunity to share my own stories. I have had the opportunity to sit down with some amazing guests and share their stories, and all along you have followed the stories that we have shared and have given us such lovely feedback about how those stories have inspired you and empowered you to start telling your own stories. So I thought for today's episode, we'd do something a little different, a little special, and recap some of my favorite episodes. It was really hard to choose, because there have been so many amazing stories told, but I think I've narrowed it down, so I've got seven episodes I'd like to share with you. I'll share a little behind the scenes and maybe a couple of clips from those episodes and if you haven't listened to them already, I'll be sure to share the episode number so that you can go back and listen.

Crista Cowan: 1:52

Some of the most incredible family stories start with a single question, and that is how I started. This whole series was in episode one about finding my great-great-grandmother, carrie. That single question was actually asked by my grandfather, who wondered what happened to his grandmother and then asked me to be able to find her and her story. Now, unfortunately I didn't get to do that before he passed, but I did it. I found her and I'm so excited that I got to share that story with you in episode one. Have a little listen to some clips. I also was surrounded by family from the beginning Stories with my grandparents, picture time with my grandmother, family reunions as a kid, as a teenager, that was always really exciting, listening to my mom send audio tapes back and forth with her favorite uncle as they made discoveries about their side of the family. We'd go to the family reunions and I'd love to make sure I knew who everybody was. I could name all of my second cousins because we were that kind of a family that just was constantly surrounded by family activities and Sunday dinner and Thanksgiving for 75 people at my grandmother's house.

Crista Cowan: 3:14

My interest in family history seems kind of foreordained, but Carrie was always this mystery that needed to be solved. My grandfather's sadness over not having known her, his desire to find out more about her and her life and his seeming inability to do so, the frustration that that caused for him. It planted this seed in me that made me curious. But also there was something about I wanted to make a promise to him and I did when I was a teenager that I would find her. That story was the perfect way to start this podcast, because not only did it give you a little bit of my origin story into family history, but it showed that family history is really personal and that persistence pays off. I think when we make these discoveries, they're not just facts or dates. They're connections to real people who are a part of us, and they then connect us to more people cousins that we've never known before, that have stories and photos and information and relationships that I think bring us more connection than we thought possible before. Now, the most meaningful moments often happen in the simplest ways. It's like sitting around a table sharing a story, or when you're out walking your dog listening to the stories that I share.

Crista Cowan: 4:41

In episode six, the Gathering Place, we explored how a single piece of furniture can be a catalyst for family stories. For a long time it was probably my favorite episode and it still is in clearly the top seven, and that's because it was a conversation I had with my sister-in-law, shelly. Now Shelly came into our family when she married my youngest brother. Now Shelly came into our family when she married my youngest brother and became the mother of five of my nephews. But she has brought a light and a joy and a level of connection into our family that I did not anticipate when she became my first sister-in-law. I'm so grateful for the example that she sets in our family of intentional connection through storytelling. So again, this Gathering Place is episode six, and here are a few clips.

Shelly Cowan: 5:47

And so I think that it was when he was that little that every night, we started our like daily gratitude, things like just trying to help him, like recognize that there was good in every day, which was something I started on my mission, um, but getting him to like voice, you know, look for the good in the day.

Shelly Cowan: 5:55

In a day that felt like there was nothing good is where that started. And then, over time, like I don't remember where, I heard someone talk about the highlights and lowlights the first time, but gratitudes turned into highlights and lowlights and who the heck knows, and all of the different things that we've talked about. And I think most of the time, people are more annoyed by the whole thing than I don't know like they want to do it. But when, like on the days when I'm having a bad day or I'm frustrated with things and I don't know like they want to do it, but when, like on the days when I'm having a bad day or I'm frustrated with things and I don't bring it up, there is always someone and it's not always the same someone who's like aren't we going to do our highlights and lowlights?

Crista Cowan: 6:35

so maybe they like it and they just don't want me to know that they well, I think there's value, especially for kids to be able to voice the stories of their day right and and not just the good things, though. I think there's value especially for kids to be able for what it is that they're dealing with. I've watched as a bystander sometimes and as a participant at that table. I've watched the evolution of how they think about and share those things, and I think there's value in people just being seen and heard, and you've created that which I love. I don't know if your perception is different, but that's what I see. As you look to the future, as your family continues to evolve, as our family continues to evolve and grow, what do you hope for that space? And then also what your children maybe carry into their own families?

Shelly Cowan: 7:50

that table is full of lots of lots of new people like I love that Jonah and Gracie can come over and that our other kids friends can come over and they feel safe and they feel welcome and they feel apart. And I always hope that my, that my table no matter how or small it is or if it's just a bedside table in a nursing home when I'm old that it will be a safe place for people to come and be who they are and share whatever they want and feel loved and appreciated. I hope that one day there are little grandkids running around that table, maybe sitting under the table with the dogs, I don't know. But I hope that my kids will at least carry on a tradition of finding ways to connect with each other and with their kids in a way that they know what's happening in their life.

Crista Cowan: 8:40

You know it's interesting because I spend every Sunday just about with Shelly and her family and now she and my brother work for me in Family Chartmasters. They help run that business. But actually sitting down in the podcast studio and having that conversation with her was really a different and new experience for us. We have had those experiences together but we've never talked about those experiences in quite that way and I think even just having that conversation with her connected our hearts in a very new and different way. So again, I'm just really grateful for what this podcast has brought into my life. It hasn't just brought you into my life, but it's also deepened and strengthened the family relationships that I have. And it started with that episode with my sister-in-law In episode 13, their story in their words.

Crista Cowan: 9:33

I shared another one of the stories from my own personal family history. It's a letter that I found from a cousin who lived through the Civil War as a teenager. The first time I found that letter I wept. When I shared that letter with my parents, I wept, and when I shared it with you I also cried. I just was so touched to not only have this very harrowing experience shared in a firsthand account, but the fact that this woman was brave enough to do that at the end of her life when she knew that her children and grandchildren would benefit from understanding her experience in her own words is so powerful to me and that's why I shared that story. I hope you'll enjoy a few clips from their stories in their words, episode 13. The letter writer is a young woman named Martha Brown. Here's the letter. The most painful part of my story is yet to come. I cannot tell it with tongue. I fear I cannot tell it with pen and ink. I have never told it all. When I begin, my speech fails me. I would not attempt to write it now, but I wish my children to know, and there is no one living who knows it so well. It is a hard task and I do not know where to begin.

Crista Cowan: 11:04

Supper was cooked and eaten as usual. Father retired early, as was his custom, by nine o'clock. All had retired except Mother, aunt Julia and Amanda. They were sitting up at work when they heard some unusual noise. Mother opened the door and looked out toward the big road. She saw four men standing in the yard in a whispering conversation. They said we're feds. Are you a sessionist? Papa said I am not the sound of those words in my ears to this day. Those were the last words he was allowed to speak, but thank God they were the truth. He tried to speak several times after that but was prevented by striking over the head with their pistols.

Crista Cowan: 11:50

The next was come out here and give an account of yourself. As Papa got out of the bed, two took a hold of him and dragged him to the fireside and pushed him down in a chair. They asked for money. Mother gave them the pocketbook. They threw it down without opening it. They poured live coals of fire on his poor feet. Then three of them started to drag him out of the house. Amanda and I held to him. They told us to let him go or they would shoot us, that they intended to kill him. We didn't let go. Papa tried to tell us something but was stopped by a blow over the head. My brother Thomas, 12 years old, tried to get outdoors but was stopped by a blow over the head. My brother Thomas, 12 years old, tried to get outdoors but was stopped in the doorway by a blow from another one of their pistols.

Crista Cowan: 12:29

All this time, mother was pleading for poor father's life with her three-month-old baby in her arms. There were several pistol shots. Then all was darkness and the next thing I remember we were all out in the yard. Mother was screaming at the top of her voice. Papa and Thomas were missing and the murderers had fled. Amanda came to me and said Martha, I'm shot. I said no, you're not shot. There were no shots fired, it was only caps busted. Yes, I am. Look at the blood. She opened her bosom and showed me where the bullet had entered, just above the left breast and came out below her right shoulder blade. I ran to mother and told her Amanda was shot. Aunt Julia got her to go in the house and to bed. She was suffering terribly now and did until she died.

Crista Cowan: 13:16

Wednesday evening at two o'clock. Aunt Julia was doing all she could for sister Mother and I was hunting and listening for Papa. In about half an hour we heard him groan twice. We ran to him. I got to him first. He handed me his hand and looked up at me. Thomas heard him from where he was hidden and came to him and said Pa, are you shot? He said no. Mother came and raised him up and sat down with his head and shoulders on her lap. He was lying in a great pool of blood. For weeks after I could not realize that what had taken place was true. It seemed as if it was too horrible to be true, that it was a terrible dream. Oh how I tried to wake up and find that it was not true, but alas, it was a great deal more than I can write or tell.

Crista Cowan: 14:04

What I've learned from this story, and from so many other of my own stories that I've shared, is that people really are interested in the stories that we have to share. I think sometimes, as genealogists, we think, oh, like people don't want to hear the things that I'm finding, and every once in a while we'll have a child or a grandchild or a spouse that will roll their eyes at us, and I think that's why we develop a little bit of a complex around that. That will roll their eyes at us, and I think that's why we develop a little bit of a complex around that. But one of the things that I've learned over a year of podcasting my stories and other people's stories is that people are interested, they do want to hear, they are inspired by those stories. I'm certainly inspired by the story of Martha, by the persistence that she and her mother and those other women in her life shared as they persevered through the persistence that she and her mother and those other women in her life shared as they persevered through the things that they went through, and then as she was determined enough to share something so very personal to her to make sure that her voice was preserved for generations to come.

Crista Cowan: 15:04

I think what surprised me most over the past year of podcasting is how invested I have become in other people's family stories, and I think it's because every guest who shared a family history story has taught me something, something about myself, something new, about connection or about resilience or about just the universal threads that run through families. I often say every family is messy. All families are messy in their own way. Families have always been messy, but families are also beautiful and the connections and the healing and the opportunities to overcome and the hard things they go through, both intentionally and unintentionally, and the way that they come out of those things different people.

Crista Cowan: 15:52

I love those stories because hearing them helps me make sense of the stories in my own family. Some of the most powerful stories come from some of those hardest things, and so, as we look at the next set of my favorite episodes. They've really centered around that concept of overcoming fear, of doing hard things, of embracing legacy, and so I love that we have some episodes to look at that share those kinds of stories with us. In episode 21, turn it Into the Wind, Erik and Emily Orton share a story about how they have created intentionality in their family. I'm going to let you listen to a few clips from that. If you haven't heard it, go listen to the whole episode and then I'll come back and share a couple of behind the scenes from that.

Emily Orton: 16:41

And we were really looking for something, because where we were in our life was not what we felt like was our best story, and we wanted something more. There wasn't anything wrong with it, it was very stable and we had good friends and a good community. We just felt like there might be something more for us. And when we read his story, he talked about how the principles of a good story are also the principles of a good life, and how it isn't about what you achieve, so much as it is the obstacles that you overcome and who you become as you overcome those obstacles. And we were looking to disrupt ourselves, to like put obstacles in our own path that we chose, that we wanted to overcome together, and we probably went through I don't know 10 or 15 different crazy ideas that we were trying to pursue, but they all relied so heavily on other people's cooperation and collaboration to make them happen. And so when Erik had the idea for us to go sailing as a family, that was one that we had more control over and it was really scary to all of us, but we kind of like moved along in the process, like first of all, he was afraid to even go into a sailing school and learn about it, because it felt like it was for other people and I was afraid of deep water.

Emily Orton: 18:00

But we kind of moved through these different obstacles and at one point we were a couple years in talking about oh, we're going to do this, we're going to do this in the future. And our oldest daughter said do you really have the guts to do it? And it was a credibility check. And one of the things we often say to ourselves is, if I were the main character in this movie and it's a good movie like what would I want myself to do next? Like I'm playing the main character and I'm also out here as a third party, like producer and director, and you know, we we were really scared and we thought about everything that could go wrong. But we asked ourselves what could go right and if we were that main character, we would have wanted us to go for it.

Erik Orton: 18:46

We're often asked so did you encounter storms while you were out there? And the short answer is yes, lots of storms. The first time we were caught in a storm we were doing an overnight crossing. It was the first time we were doing a crossing with our kids at night and we were going from St Martin to the US Virgin Islands, and about three o'clock in the morning my daughter Allison and I were up on watch, because somebody's always awake if the boat is moving.

Emily Orton: 19:11

And she was 15.

Erik Orton: 19:12

And she was 15. And this storm snuck up on us. Up until then it had been clear, starry skies, you know, peaceful. We were just sitting, you know, together listening to music, making sure we didn't run into anything. It was super easy. And then the wind picked up, the swell picked up and the boat was moving way too fast. And long story short, pounding rain, freezing cold. Where the sails were going to tear off the boat, we had to turn it into the wind and just drive the boat straight into this storm all night long until we reached the backside. The reason you turn into the wind is to take the pressure off the sails. So we got through this storm, but I was so scared, I was so afraid, all night long and we made it, we survived, I guess. Sidebar, we learned that from our friends that another boat was crossing the opposite direction, much bigger boat, same storm. They had their mass ripped off and had to cut it loose and drop it into the sea. So we knew this was not a joke. This was like a legit situation and that was scary.

Erik Orton: 20:19

Fast forward six, seven, eight months into the future, when we've now been living on a boat for a while, we would sail through two, three you know I'll call them squalls or storms a day.

Erik Orton: 20:31

The big difference is that we knew what to do, we had, we had gained a skillset, and so, even though it was in many ways the same situation, we're just like, okay, we got this, we know what to do.

Erik Orton: 20:43

And so, yes, there are storms, and our ability to overcome them and acquire that skill set is what grants us peace, because when you are sailing, the things that you can't control are the tides, the wind, the swell in the ocean, all those things. Yet, to your point, emily, you always have a choice of how you respond, and you can still get to where you're going despite all the obstacles that are coming your way, despite the wind direction or the swell direction. And so there's always, that's always. You know, the circumstances in all of our lives are always going to be changing and it's going to be different for everybody. But if we can choose our destination, if we can be patient and determined and and also develop some skills, you don't just you know, you don't just you don't mind the little seasickness and you may you know you may get a little bit queasy every now and then.

Erik Orton: 21:39

Yeah, it's really when you realize that so much is always going to be beyond your control and yet you can still travel in the direction that you want to go and if you're patient and persistent, you, you can and will arrive. That's a very empowering thought, and if you can go through your life that way, then then you're in a good place, and that's something that I, that's a legacy that I would love to leave to our kids and future generations that that you can be the navigator in your own life.

Crista Cowan: 22:05

I love that Erik and Emily challenged us through their story to not ask what could go wrong, but what could go right, and I think it's such a beautiful way to live your life and again, when I think about the hard things my ancestors went through, it could be really easy to think about all the things that could go wrong crossing an ocean, crossing a country, raising children in the wilderness, settling new lands, like there's just so many things that could go wrong, but the faith and the optimism to be able to do that anyway. I think maybe some of them had a little of Erik and Emily in them when they thought about what could go right, and I loved having them share that with us. Now here's one of the things you don't hear or see on the podcast. Whether you listen to it on a podcast app or watch it over on my YouTube channel, you don't see that after we turn off the cameras. I often have this opportunity to sit and talk to my guests. They have a rest of the conversation. That sometimes happens after we stop rolling and I just loved the few minutes that I got to spend with Erik and Emily after the camera stopped rolling. I've known about them for years. We have common friends. But to just sit and talk to them one-on-two in that podcast studio and to have that conversation with them, I really got to see their heart for not just their family, their children, but for the intentional creation of legacy, for the intentional creation of resilience and in forwarding their family story not just from the past into them but from them flowing through them into their children and their future grandchildren as well.

Crista Cowan: 23:54

Now, another episode that resonated very deeply with me was not just another guest on the podcast, it actually is a cousin of mine. Now she and I didn't know we were cousins. We were neighbors first, but then she invited me into her home to help her with some family history, pulled a wall chart off of her kitchen wall, laid it out on the kitchen table and there across the bottom of her family tree chart was one of my ancestors. And that's how Julie Taggart and I figured out that we are fifth cousins when she came into the studio to record episode 23,. You Lose them Twice.

Crista Cowan: 24:32

I learned about some things about Julie's family now. That just really made me love her all the more. Not only is Julie the mother of six amazing kids that I have had the privilege of watching grow up in our neighborhood. But she also is dealing with a mother who now has dementia and that dementia is advancing quickly and I've watched as Julie has very intentionally made decisions about how to keep her children connected to their grandmother and as she navigates being this sandwich generation between the two of them. As I sat down with Julie, she shared some of those stories and things that she's doing very intentionally. Here's a few clips from that episode.

Julie Taggart: 25:20

I think how we spend our time tells our kids what's important, right, we spend time with them. We tell them they are important to us. Right, we spend time with them. We tell them they are important to us. And one of the things I really wanted to do was to create a very large canvas and it's, I think, five or six generations of pictures of my family. So there's my husband and I in the middle and our six kids underneath us, and it goes back to my parents. I tried to find pictures of their wedding day.

Julie Taggart: 25:47

It wasn't always successful, but around that same age the early 20s, mid-20s and go back to, they know, their great-grandparents. We've had that hanging up in our house now for years. But they know we go to the graves on Memorial Day. That's our tradition and they're like, oh, oh, I know this is the grandma that looks like a model. And they're like, oh, oh, I know this is the grandma that looks like a model. I'm like, yes, it is, or is this the grandpa that has the? It's a fedora hat, but he looks just like a model, like he's in Florida and he's got the palm trees and he looks so handsome. But they know, they know that these are the people. Their love stories are what eventually made them.

Crista Cowan: 26:26

You go through these different transitions of life and the thing is is that it's always changing. Are what eventually made them. You go through these different transitions of life and and the thing is is that it's always changing, Like there's always a new phase of life to learn, and it's always the first time you've been there and yet you still are making time for family history, but it looks a little different for you now. Tell us about what's going on with your mom. I will. You can cry.

Julie Taggart: 26:47

I was just gonna say I will try not to cry my mom. She's always loved Is it genealogy or genealogy? Genealogy, I don't know, it's spelled genealogy. Well, my mom's always my mom and dad have loved genealogy. But and my mom loves stories she's told me stories of her growing up her whole life.

Julie Taggart: 27:09

But a few years ago she fell and broke her hip and then she got better and then she fell and just kept breaking things and eventually she got put into a skilled nursing facility and the very first time I went to see her she was acting very strange. It was, it was strange, but every time I'd go visit her it would get weirder and weirder and she eventually was diagnosed with dementia and it went from being weird to now it's been two years that she's been in that facility. She doesn't talk, she doesn't walk, she doesn't feed herself and she has no memories. I've I've printed up. I found a bunch of pictures of her family growing up and her twin brother, terry, and her siblings and our family, and I printed them on paper and her whole wall is plastered with all of these pictures to help her remember, to help her remember a better time. I'm not sure, but I love them, she loves them, but she does not remember.

Julie Taggart: 28:11

And it's hard. They say that when somebody has dementia or Alzheimer's, you lose them twice the first time when they lose their memories and the second time when they pass away. And so we've all my dad, my sister, my nephew, all of my kids. We've all gone through a process of mourning Every time we see her. There's times where we just leave crying and like the ugly cry like whew, man, it's bad, because I miss my mom, I miss her stories and that's why I feel like the stories that live in us that's everything. You lose the memories, you're a shell of who you used to be and sharing those stories is everything. And unfortunately, when I was little I probably didn't care a whole lot. I think a lot of us are like, oh, those old people always telling stories, but they mean so much more when you can't hear them anymore. So I feel like we're all on a race. We're all in a race of time to try to capture those stories.

Crista Cowan: 29:21

This episode was really personal for a lot of us, I think, in our generation, as we face parents with advancing age and circumstances that are going to require us maybe to be caretakers for them, if not already, sometime soon in the future. The messages I received from many of you after this episode some of them were heartbreaking, many of them were beautiful I think there's a word brutiful that kind of encapsulates how I think we feel about both the honor and the challenge that it is to care for our aging parents. But it also pointed out to me how many of you realized that there is a little bit of a rush to record grandparents' memories. Adult children wishing they'd asked more questions before it was too late breaks my heart, and so I love that Julie was willing to be vulnerable and share these stories with us, because it reminds us that we don't have infinite time, that we do have stories we want to capture before it's too late, because if you ask any genealogist what their number one regret is, it's always that they didn't ask the questions or get the stories from the people who they loved while they were still able to share those stories. One of the episodes this year that got the most views on YouTube. That got the most comments from many of you was episode number 36, a Phone Call from Heaven.

Crista Cowan: 30:50

Now I have had a lot of Ancestry colleagues on over this year. My producer is one of my colleagues at Ancestry. Our new CEO, howard Hochhauser, has been on. We've had other colleagues come and share their family history stories, which I love, because I love being able to share with you the passion that Ancestry employees have for our own family stories and for the work that we do for all of you to help you find your family stories. But Jenny Ashcraft shared a story that touched so many of you about how, after losing her father, she got a little message from heaven about how she should keep her family stories alive and continue to discover more about his family history. Here's a few clips from that episode.

Jenny Ashcraft: 31:41

You know, I know you, Crista started in this field at a very young age, at your dad's feet, but for me it was a little later. My dad, about 15 years ago, was dying from cancer and I didn't know much about his family as much as I wanted to, and so I started asking him questions and I decided to record a life history. And so over a series of weeks I asked him all about his family history. His mother had died when he was rather young and he. There were so many unanswered questions that he didn't know and I I kind of started feeling this little stirring in my heart Like I need to learn more about this. But I didn't want to. I fought it, I wasn't ready to jump into it and I joked with him one day and I said, dad, if you get to heaven and you find out that we need to do family history or there's something you want me to work on, you better take a cell phone and call me because, otherwise I'm not going to do it.

Jenny Ashcraft: 32:47

And he laughed and said okay. And just a day or two after his funeral I went out to my mailbox and I had a big fat manila envelope from Heber City, which is a little city about 30 minutes from me, and I didn't recognize the name or the return address and I opened it up and out falls all of these pedigree charts and family history records and genealogies and I didn't know what this was all about. But it was from my dad's side of the family. So I found a cover letter and he just said I thought you might enjoy learning more about your dad's family history. So I thought, well, is this a friend of my dad? So I searched for him on Google. I found his contact information and I called him and I said you know, were you a friend of my dad's or why did you send me this packet? And he said no, I actually didn't know your dad, but I was looking through the obituaries in the paper the other day and your dad's caught my eye and I started reading it. I had such a strong feeling that this family really has some family history work to do and I read through the descendants and I came to your name and I knew I had to send it to you. So I figured this is my little cell phone call from heaven and I better start jumping in and figuring out what to do.

Jenny Ashcraft: 34:09

As I asked around, quite a few people said when I asked about the cemetery records because I'd found the church records. But when I asked about the cemetery records they said you ought to talk to Jerry. And I thought I don't really know who Jerry is. And I said who is Jerry? And they said well, he's an older man but he pays to have the lawn mowed at your family cemetery. So I was able to get some contact information. I called and Jerry, who I think is still alive, he's about 87, lived in an assisted living center in Indiana. And I called and I said I hear you may have some cemetery records and he said, oh, I don't have any records. And I said, oh, ok, but he said you know, tell me who your ancestors are. And I said, well, my maiden name is Miller, it's the Miller family, and I hear papers flipping and he goes oh yeah, I, my maiden name is Miller, it's the Miller family. And I hear papers flipping and he goes oh yeah, I see here Robert Miller. And I said well, can I ask you, what papers are you looking at? What have you got? And he goes well, these aren't the records, these are just some papers. Because I kind of mow the lawn and I have some papers.

Jenny Ashcraft: 35:21

And I said would it be OK if we possibly came and looked at your papers? And he was a little hesitant. We're still coming out of COVID. He's older, so we he agreed a little bit reluctantly, but he agreed to let us come the next day.

Jenny Ashcraft: 35:38

So we set up an appointment and we went to his little apartment and we put on our masks and we knocked on the door and we stood to his little apartment and we put on our masks and we knocked on the door and we stood way back. We wanted to make him as comfortable as we could. And he came to the door and we started chatting at a distance and he was telling us a little bit about his life. But I noticed behind him a large oval picture, an old-fashioned picture, and I said that is the neatest picture. Who is that?

Jenny Ashcraft: 36:11

And he said well, this is Maria Teresa Calhoun. She's my grandmother. And he said that and something in me just paused. I'm like wait, I know that name. Why do I know that name? And I sat down my bag, I pulled out my laptop, I pulled up my tree and Marie Trees Calhoun is in my tree that I had just created for this gentleman, like a month before, and as I worked my way down, I'm like there's Jerry right there in my tree. I have Jerry in my tree. I said Jerry, we're related. And I turned my computer around and I showed him here's your grandmother, here's you, we're related. And he's like get in here, come in, come in. So we spent the next hour chatting with Jerry and he went to the back and he retrieved a manila file that was about three inches thick of historic cemetery censuses and records of burials. And in his mind those weren't the cemetery records, but it was exactly what I was looking for.

Crista Cowan: 37:19

Here's what I loved about that, which is that I think that the people who have gone before us are closer than we think they are. I don't know what your faith or your religious beliefs are, but I have come to know through family history that they really are closer than we think they are. They want to share their stories with us, they want us to find them, they want us to connect with them emotionally and to make sure that their names and their stories are still shared. The other thing I love about Jenny's story is the serendipity right Whether it's our ancestors guiding us from the other side or whether it's just the nature of family history. I think there's so many of those things that happen. You know. Here's a little story I don't think I've shared on the podcast before.

Crista Cowan: 38:06

I had the opportunity a few years ago to go to Ohio and my family came from that little stretch of West Virginia that pokes up in between Ohio and Pennsylvania and it's only about 10 or 12 miles across and they lived there and in and out across the borders in Pennsylvania and Ohio and I went to a cemetery where I understood the family to be buried and I parked my car and I got out and I walked row after row after row in this massive cemetery and I got so discouraged when I couldn't find my family. Well, I came back to the car and I went to open the passenger side or the driver's side door and realized it was locked and I had left my keys in the car. So now I'm in the middle of nowhere in a cemetery by myself. I've been walking up and down rows for a while and I'm frustrated. So I look through the car and I realize the passenger side door is unlocked. So I walk around to the passenger side door of the car and as I'm walking around, I realize that I parked directly next to the tombstone of my three times great grandparents. And so again, like little things like that that happen in family history all the time, and they happen more and more, the more involved in this you get.

Crista Cowan: 39:28

One of the things that I have learned from so many of my guests is about the way that vulnerability creates connection, Whether that vulnerability comes from just sharing our story or whether that vulnerability comes from understanding how those stories have affected us. I am clearly I'm a weeper. Clearly I get emotional over some of these stories, whether they're my own or not, but one of my favorite moments this last year came in episode 48, Live Undaunted. My guest was Lisa Valentine Clark and she has gone through something personally in her family that to me is unimaginable A husband who suffered from ALS for four years and then died when her youngest child was 12 years old.

Crista Cowan: 40:17

But Lisa, by profession, is a performer, an entertainer, a comedian, and we sat in that studio as she told that story and the lessons that she has learned and so vulnerably shared that, and there was laughter through tears, which for me is one of my favorite emotions. I love that Lisa got vulnerable, but I also love how she was willing to really make the connections for herself and for her children, both with her husband, Christopher, and with her ancestors before her and as she looks forward with hope to the future. Here's a few clips from my conversation with Lisa Valentine Clark.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 40:57

So my four grandparents I knew each one of them Margaret and Marvin Bergen and Amy and Lee Valentine and their lives and their stories actually are really important and inform a lot of the way that I have parented or the way that I see the world, because I have found as I've gotten older, that my life story has aligned with theirs in in very similar ways.

Emily Orton: 41:20

Now, I wish I could talk to them.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 41:21

In fact, when I was going through a really, really hard time, I remember asking my mom like no, this isn't hypothetical for me being a widow at a younger age Like I need to know what this was like for my great grandmother Will you find her journals? I need to read this. And it just made me ask different questions and look for different stories too. You know, there's something powerful about telling your own story in your own words, with the conscious choice like decision, that, like this is what this is what you want to be remembered for. You get to choose, because not everybody gets that, especially in a tragedy, and we think we always have so much time.

Crista Cowan: 41:58

That's another interesting thing about family history which is, at the more you kind of look to the past and start to try to understand their stories and contextualize them and figure out what lessons you can learn from them, death becomes just like part of the story.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 42:12

Absolutely, it does.

Crista Cowan: 42:14

And we spend so much of our life and so much of our time like fighting it and fearing it. And we all walked through it.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 42:19

Yeah, I have my own headstone you know what I mean With a name on it. Yeah, no-transcript. And raising kids and and, and how he died, and the things that he didn't want anybody else to know but me or that I saw. So I've seen it and I tell you it's such an honor and a privilege and it it really has changed the way that I've seen my life and you take a step back and you're like you guys were only here for a little bit. Like the things we think matter do not matter, it's what everybody says, but like when you see it and really feel it, it changes the way that you talk to people, you treat people, the priorities in your life. Like it changes you fundamentally when there are so many things that I'm like I don't care, who cares, that doesn't matter, and I mean it Like you know. And then the other things that do matter, like our relationships, the conversations that I have with my children, how people, how I want to be remembered, the things that I say and do or put down that matters.

Crista Cowan: 43:39

This episode reminds us that sharing our stories isn't just about the past, that it is also about the impact that we make right now. I think this would be a perfect opportunity for us to share a little bonus content with you. Sometimes we don't turn the cameras off. Sometimes we keep them rolling in those conversations that I have after we're officially done with the story that they came to share, and they share some little golden nuggets of stories that we couldn't include in the original episode. Here's a little one from my conversation with Lisa.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 44:11

Okay, One more story. And then okay, so he's been gone four and a half years. I'm at a bridal shower just sitting in it. I don't really know everybody. I know a couple of people that are family, no, a friend who, and I'm sitting there minding my own business and a woman comes up to me and she looks like she's like in her maybe late thirties and she says to me I was really sorry to hear about Christopher.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 44:36

And I was like oh, thank you, you know, don't really want to talk about it. Um, she's like. He used to hang out in our house growing up a lot because he was friends with my older sister and I was a little kid by then and he was so nice to us like when he came over to hang out with my sister he would like, he was one of the friends that would come like play with younger kids and was really really nice. In fact, this one time I remember we were coloring in like this Barbie coloring book. He would just sit there and color with us, but he changed all the words to all the to the pages at the bottom of the coloring book, like to make them funny, like, like, like Ken, look at my armpit, if she was like this, like, stupid, like, stupid, like funny things on every page. And she's like, and growing up it was really funny because, like, we never wanted to color in that coloring book Cause we would just read what he wrote, like in high school. So this is like 35 years ago and I was like, oh my gosh, that's so funny. That sounds exactly like him she's like and I don't know how she's like, but I ended up with this Barbie coloring book, like for my kids. And so like she's like, so my kids now, like I'm like, don't draw in it, just read it. And they read it and it's so funny.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 45:49

Anyway, here it is. She whips out this Barbie coloring book that must have been like 35 years old, that she has you know, all this coloring, but you throw them away. She has kept it and gives it to me. I open, she goes I'm not remembering this wrong, right, like that's his handwriting. It is totally his handwriting. It's a hundred percent complete his humor. And I open it and I'm laughing and I'm crying and I'm like, because what you want more than anything is like a new memory, like of your loved one. And like, and I get so mad at chris because he was so in love with like ghosts and ghost stories, and he's like I'm gonna haunt you and I'm gonna play a single note on the piano every halloween just to freak people out, and then like nothing, no go, I don't have dreams of rude like. That's exact. I'm like rude. I'm like patrick swasey learned how to push that penny in like two weeks.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 46:46

You've had four and a half years and there's nothing. I say that to him all the time. I'm like you talked a big game, but like where's the haunting? No haunting, no haunting. I have no, I don't have those dreams, I don't have anything a barbie coloring book is kind of you know what I get is. I get a barbie coloring book from the past, but like that's my spiritual gift. I get this like here's something that I which is so Chris Clark, he knows I want just make me laugh.

Lisa Valentine Clark: 47:14

Yeah, and he made me laugh. That is incredible, A new memory. So tell me that. That like tell me we shouldn't write down what we think. Yeah, her family history, the biggest gift.

Crista Cowan: 47:26

Family history isn't just about dusty photographs and old records and pedigree charts. It's also about creating new memories, new stories that we get to tell and retell for our lives, and maybe even some stories that will get passed down in the next generation. Well, what a year it has been. Again, I am recording this live from RootsTech 2025. It will air in May for the one-year anniversary of the podcast, and it just is so amazing to me that I've been able to join you on this ride over the last year and share these stories.

Crista Cowan: 48:04

This podcast started as a way to just share stories, but it's become something bigger, I think, and it's become something bigger not just because of the guests I've had or the stories that we've shared, but because of all of you and because you have listened in, you have emailed in, you have left reviews, you have shared your own stories and, as a matter of fact, some of you have started to become guests on the podcast and a few more of you will become guests on the podcast in the coming year.

Crista Cowan: 48:36

We've got some of you who've messaged me on Instagram, who are going to share your stories, and then in July, we're going to do a little pivot, and so let me give you a little sneak peek of that. The little pivot that we're going to do has to do with the 250th anniversary of the United States of America on July 4th 2026. And so every week, for the 50 weeks leading up to America 250, we're going to be sharing a different family story from each of the 50 states. So if you've been with us all year and followed along and taken dog walks or listened to us in the drive on your way to work, thank you. If you're new to the podcast or you just started binging the episodes, I'm so glad you're here and I hope that you'll enjoy what we have planned for you for another year of stories that live in us.